My Letter To My Ex

iceprincessDear N,

I am beyond angry and sad at the hurt and devastation you have caused not only to me and the girls, but dozens of friends and family. I don’t fully understand why you would do what you did and choose to leave me and the girls after 12 years of marriage.

You chose to unilaterally change the lives of three people. We did not deserve that.

Yes, we had lost some of our intimacy. Yes, we took each other for granted. Yes, we never spent enough time with each other. We were both guilty of this. However, I always felt that if anything, I was kind and understanding and supportive.

We were in our 30s. Ask your parents what their life was like in their 30s. It’s a difficult time for couples that age with children. People struggle. There is not enough time and money. People are exhausted in their 30s.

I don’t know what you were looking for, but I guarantee we could have found it together, without the pain and devastation you caused by our final year together. I will bet that you still don’t know what you want. I will bet you realize now that you have lost the only things that were truly important to you.

You will regret your choices for the rest of your life. This makes me sad. However, there is nothing I can do for you to help that. You have chosen to walk that path by yourself.

What also saddens me is that you have changed our girls’ lives forever with your actions. You destroyed a part of their innocence and their joy by having their mother walk out of their lives. You also destroyed my trust in people.

The night you did not come home in November (because you were at P’s), I thought you might have been arrested, or hurt in an accident, or sleeping at one of your girlfriends’ house because you had too much to drink. I never once thought you were carrying on a double-life.

I trusted you with everything. I trusted you with all my heart, because I thought you were serious when you took vows before God.

Had I really been that terrible to you that I deserved all this? I supported you in everything. I was your biggest champion as you ran races and worked to better yourself. I would have supported anything you wanted. All you had to do was talk to me.

What you did was beyond selfish. You choose to do all this right around the holidays; a time to celebrate family and love. Instead of enjoying the blessings of our lives, I was forced to bury my pain for the good of the girls and our family.

You humiliated me in front of family and friends: having P and me take pictures together at our Halloween Party, forcing me to lie to people that everything was all right and you were not around because you were ‘working.’

To this day, you continue to hurt me. You mess with my vehicles and steal wreaths from my homes. You have emailed me with hurtful words about how I raise the children and what they think of me.

Life has a way of serving justice, so in my heart I know you will suffer for what you have done.

Your actions have made me doubt our entire life together. Was our whole marriage a sham? I try to think that is not the case. We had some wonderful times, and for the most part, my memories of our life together are good ones.

You gave me the most precious gifts anyone could in this world: A and H. For them, I thank you. I’m sorry you chose to break us as you did, but in many ways you have freed me. A partner’s job should not be to teach or save the other. Partners should help each other reach the places they both want to reach together.

Have a great life and I hope you somehow find whatever it is you think is missing in your life. The problem is, you don’t know who you are, what you want or where you want to go.

I hope you find those answers one day.

The Blue Rattler

2 thoughts on “My Letter To My Ex

  1. Pingback: Being Single |

  2. Pingback: How To Cleanse And Bless Your House |

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